I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
