i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
