we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
