one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
