i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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