Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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