Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
