I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
