He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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