its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
