so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize