Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
