Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize