pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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