we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
How's work?
Spinning.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
