he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
