She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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