Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
