He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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