her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize