Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
