I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
