OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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