The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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