he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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