This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm getting married
To pizza
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
