Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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