My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
