wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
