You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
