if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
