well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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