i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
