uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
