I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
