oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
