Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
