So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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