just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
