She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just blew my weed a kiss
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize