so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
