remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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