What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize