Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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