you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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