I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize