It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
