Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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