The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
