the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Everyone says I win the strip club
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
