If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize