I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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