No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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