I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
