I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You can't special order awesome
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize