He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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