Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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