dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
