Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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