Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize