The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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