I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
