He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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