dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
