Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
