Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
