Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
