just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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