I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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