it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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