Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
