I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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