New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
