If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize