I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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