I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
