I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
