hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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