Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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