how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
