I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
