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The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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