Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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