I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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