Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
