you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
