Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
