Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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