look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
