You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
