I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
