if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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