cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
