Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
