he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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