i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
cat food counts as protein by the way
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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