it was like his penis was on wheels.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
