There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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