I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
