i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
