She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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