so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize