we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
