Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
