Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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